Words from the not-so-wise: Part2- Ataraxy

Ataraxy [ at-uh-rak-see-uh ]

a state of freedom from emotional disturbance and anxiety; tranquillity.

For a long time, I always thought happiness and peace meant the same thing. Recently, I went to Sri Lanka and I started to become a bit more curious about the teachings of the Budda...

Disclaimer: Now, I don't claim to know everything about buddism or it's teachings, but I did start reading about the teachings of Budda recently, and as you all know, I started this blog to begin my journey towards a more mindful way of living..so what im writing now is just my interpretation of some of the things I've learnt and read about that I'd like to apply to my daily life. 

Now that we've gotten the disclaimer out of the way, let's get on with the rest of this blog. 

Like I said , I thought happiness and peace meant the same. And I thought being happy meant being at peace. But the more I grow up, and the more I read and learn.. I've begun to see happiness and sadness as emotions which for the most part are affected by external factors.. while peace is a state of being. Equanimity is the ability to be neutral. To be able to take both the happy days and sad days without being consumed by emotion. 

I know this sounds like a bunch of theory, and you might think that its not possible to be neutral.. after all, emotions are what makes us human. But, being consumed by any emotion is never a good thing. 

Our mind tends to amplify negative emotions. Stress, anxiety, sadness, loneliness. Our mind singles out these types of emotions and amplifies it. And one negative thought soon leads to a train of negative emotions and we eventually fall into the "feed back loop from hell" (as Mark Mason calls it). The feed back loop is where one negative thought leads to another.. and then you end up feeling bad for even feeling bad in the first place. It's a vicious cycle of self loathing. 

When we're happy however, the emotion is short lived.  Our mind is extremely cynical and hypocritical. It takes something negative, even if it's of a small intensity, like someone talking behind out back, so seriously and magnifies it..on the other hand, when something positive happens, unless it's a big event like achieving a big milestone, our mind doesn't let us celebrate. 

Take a stock of your emotions. Emotions are like symptoms. They aren't a state of being. If you costantly feel bad doing something, it doesn't mean your life is bad.. it simply means you're not trying to get out of a bad situation, or a bad habit. 

While emotions are extremely necessary, we should know how to control our emotions and not let our emotions control us. 

Ataraxia is a state of being where you're free from emotional turbulence. Please note that im saying "free from emotional turbulence" and not "free from emotions". Emotional turbulence is when you let your emotions get the better of you.. it's what you go through when you fluctuate from sad to anxious to depressed.. 

Say for example, you're having a bad start to your day. Someone made a rude remark to you, or didn't acknowledge your efforts.. you get into a fowl mood. This could play out 2 ways: 

Possiblity 1: You feel bad, you feel dejected. You start remembering all the times when people let you down, you feel demotivated and don't want to give your best, you feel angry that people are taking you for a ride, you feel jealous of others because you think they have an easier life.. and it goes on. 

Possiblity 2: you feel bad. You analyse what happened. You try to understand that the other person could have been in a bad mood too and deflected it on you, you could empathize that they're probably feeling insecure or not too good at the moment and are lashing out, you could probably analyse and see if there's something you can do to help the situation. And if there's nothing you can do, just accept the moment, and let it go. 

Option 2 is the logical one. The one where you don't end up feeling worse. Option 1 is the natural reaction for the most of us, and it takes our day from bad to exponentially terrible. Option 1 is easy, option 2 takes practice, mental strength and restraint. Option 2 is Ataraxia.

Everytime you start to get overwhelmed by a negative emotion, catch yourself, analyse the situation and rationalise it. Mental changes take practice, and patience.. but the long term efforts will be worth it. I'll admit, I'm a pretty sensitive and emotional person. I can attest that being emotional, taking momentary emotions too seriously and getting caught up in the web is mentally taxing, emotionally draining and leads to a hell lot of overthinking and self loathing. It's literally making a mountain out of a mole hill. 

Lately I've been trying to be more neutral and to practice equanimity. I am no where near mastering it, but im happy that im on the journey towards it. 

If you also feel like you let yourself be engulfed by your emotions, I highly suggest you try mindfully analysing your emotions. It's hard, but not impossible. And it's so so worth it. Being in charge of the way you feel is the most empowering thing. 

If you want to make a habit of being mindful, I suggest you keep a journal. A one line per day or one page per day type of journal. There are apps that can help you with this as well ! Apps like Daylio help you keep a track of your emotions. I also suggest listening to podcasts like the Habit Coach (this is one of my all time favorite podcasts!) 

Constantly remind yourself to work on yourself. 

Im gonna close this blog with one of my all time favorite quotes: "Peace comes from within. Do not seek it without". 

/Supritha

Author, A Glimpse of More ,✨